Deployment Dream

I have been a military wife for five and a half years. We are six months into our second year long deployment. You would think it would have happened by now but nope. Last night it finally did: I dreamt that Mike died in combat.

Yeah it was awful, in a surreal way. It wasn't entirely realistic, like the fact that my brother in law was living close (which he doesn't) and I had a bit of magical powers (I etched a message for Mike into a type of memorial for him... with my mind) but still it felt so real. I remember how it felt when my heart broke.

Then some idiot woman was cracking jokes at me, while I was literally wailing curling up in a ball after the memorial stone thing. Really?! You think this is the best time for that?! I wish my dream self would have punched her in the face. Instead I told her to excuse me, I have to tell our children that Daddy isn't coming home. That shut her up.

I had to tell his parents, because for some reason the Army didn't notify them. That was a horrid experience in itself. Thankfully I woke up before I got to telling the kids. I really don't want to know what my subconscious would have done there.

I even thought about updating my facebook status to let everyone else know. Yeah it was freaky. I thought about all the arrangements that had to be made, the future ahead of me. It was all there. In dreadful technicolor detail.

I have wondered before how I would react to the news, to seeing the uniformed men at my door. I think I finally have my answer and I don't want it.

Let's hope tonight's dream is something much happier. I put my vote into homecoming.